Google is out with its eleventh annual Zeitgeist report (depicting what people around the world are searching for) and, unsurprisingly (and tragically), Rebecca Black grabbed the top spot when it comes to the fastest rising search of 2011. This must needs be curtailed in 2012.
Putting aside for a moment the fact that Adele — who mainstream and indie folks alike are down with — cracked the top 10 as well, the notion that Black is apparently the most popular musician of 2011 is both stunning and worrisome.
Remember, Black also nabbed the top spot when it came to “Most-Tweeted-About” musicians this year. This is a singer who dared to croon the words: “Tomorrow is Saturday/
And Sunday comes afterwards.”
Look, I get the morbid fascination that impelled us all to fire up the old Google and — like a child repeatedly touching a hot stove — subject ourselves to yet another spasm of pain, but think of it this way: When the last rabble of human society — swaddled in patchwork cloth, subsisting solely on secret stores of Dippin’ Dots — delves into their history book (which will be a Google-spun series of circles and prehistoric-looking symbols) Rebecca Black is what will persevere.
Stunned by her superior knowledge vocabulary (remember, symbols and circles), reassuringly computer-esque voice (“Sounds just like ma…”) and ability to recite the days of the week without the aid of a Google calendar, the remaining citizens of earth will therefore construct a massive statue to Black, prostrating themselves before her looming, shadowy effigy while chanting, “Fun, fun, fun.”
Therefore, I beseech you, citizens of Earth: Use Google for good this coming year. According to the Mayans, the end times are rapidly approaching, anyway, so you best get Googling some awesome indie stuff before the darkness consumes us all. We so excited…
By Brenna Ehrlich