A Band Reviews “Katy Perry: Part Of Me 3D” Via Text Messages

Posted July 18

Welcome to the O Music Awards guest writer series, a place where we hand the proverbial reins over to qualified writers/musicians/etc and let them share their thoughts about music, technology and more. Today’s guest blogger is the band Silent Drape Runners (a.k.a. Russ Marshalek and Sophie Weiner). They asked if they could live blog a screening of the Katy Perry biopic, Katy Perry: Part Of Me, in the same way that techies meticulously live blog app unveilings and the like, and we said, “Sure, why not?” The results are below.

Russ Marshalek: It’s worth noting that at the time the film began, I was drunk. Not in any sort of belligerent way, mind you, but drunk enough that it was probably for the best that Katy Perry: Part of Me 3D was actually in 2D for the showing we attended. “Will this film be effective?” I could’ve wondered. “How will we get the full experience?” But I didn’t, because I was drunk, and my phone was dead. It was thusly into this world of existential quandary that we began watching the first (only?) feature-length Katy Perry film. Rather than attempting to recap the full, uh, experience, here is Sophie Weiner live-texting the film to my dead cellular phone.

START

Inexplicable singalong clip of Grease b4 movie. Russ is wasted.

Is this a lifetime original movie?

Katy Perry is the MLK of our times.

“Is this the Katy Perry sweatshop?” – Russ

“She looks just like Ani DiFranco” – Russ

Realized Robyn may be in this. Playing.

Praying*

It is SO LOUD.

#splash

Is this a concert movie? I don’t even know.

When is russell brand gonna start singing

Her rising onto stage is straight up horror movie shit

“I HATE THIS SONG” – Sophie on “Teenage Dream.” Sophie is not a Katy Perry fan.

People in the crowd are crying. Terrifying.

KP is a human cupcake.

“That is SO CRAZY!” – Katy Perry on pregnancy

“I’ve been listening to her ever since I first heard her”

When do we get 7 tour buses & 16 trucks?

There is apparently v little interesting to say about KP.

“She’s a legit big sister.”

This movie is like candyflipping.

“I have cavities now.” – Russ

Her grandma is like… really mean?

There needs to be a reality show about her parents.

Holy shit, KP is actually Mandy Moore’s character from Saved!

“I at one point in my life owned 8 Alanis Morissette t shirts.” – Russ

LOL COBRA SNAKE IS IN THIS

“We met at a Daft Punk show”

“Note to self, learn what is special about a hummingbird heartbeat.” – Russ

Her early stuff is like, super ’90′s.

Need to get a t shirt that says “t shirt” on it. #socool

Capitol believed in her vision to release a quasi-homophobic single.

Ok this slow version of “I Kissed A Girl” isn’t working and the dress isn’t helping.

Graphic of skyrocketing Myspace fans.

Sophie forgot how much she doesn’t like Katy Perry. Russ finds it endearing.

She EARNED her right to be the CEO of her own life!

The parts with Russell Brand are HELLA AWKWARD.

“Do you like hotels?” – small child

After we sing about cum for like an hour we should have a bunch of kids dance onstage.

Um why is “Midnight City” playing.

Oh hai Adele, sup.

Can she just sing “Call Me Maybe” already?

Just realized she looks exactly like Laura Palmer’s cousin in the TGIF video.

The Japanese cat cafe is the best part of the movie so far.

Crying Japanese girls.

Why are there mimes?

“It’s really cray cray” – KP on her marriage

She’s totally ripping off Silent Drape Runners right now.

“I want a person whose job it is to tell other people my emotions.” – Russ

Wow mad respect for going onstage right after getting divorced.

Russ is very emotionally invested in this now.

Ten thousand people with their cellphones out is so trippy.

I think Russ is crying.

This just got legit emo.

Oh ok all the emoness was leading up to some kids singing “Firework.”

“I am a firework. It’s simple.”

Even her angry grandma is happy!

They’re REALLY closing with “California Gurls”???

SHE JUST SAID GET #WET

“We have one last surprise. No, it’s not Snoop Dogg, it’s a giant foam gun to jizz whipped cream on you.”

…well that happened.

Truth be told, the moments when Katy and Russell Brand get divorced are incredible. It’s a raw, intense 20-minute stretch followed by her performing moments after convulsing and sobbing in heartbreak. That segment alone is worth it, because, well, yeah Katy Perry, yeah, you are a firework.